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Monday, December 31, 2007

A Special Wish for Year 2008

Question:

If women solely inhabited earth, would the likes of Smith & Wesson or Brinks Home Security System become bankrupt business ventures? Would Handguns, Explosive Devices, Security Cameras and Auto Alarm Systems become non-existent? Do you think that Child Molestation, Ethnic Cleansings, Rape and other Aggravated Assaults against Children and Women would become unheard of? Read Full Story.

In less than six hours, like it or not, the birth of a new year will be celebrated by many with champagne, fireworks, extravagant parties and so forth. While many of us are busy jotting down our new year's resolutions...resolutions that we may or may not adhere to, let's not forget to keep our men and women in uniform in our thoughts and prayers. Let's not forget to wish, hope and pray for a global reduction in violence in year 2008 and beyond...

Wishing you and your family a safe and prosperous New Year!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Let Your Yes, be Yes!

While I was busy folding some clothes in the laundry room, Furr-ball walks in and blurts,
“Mom, guess what word I hate the most?”
“I don’t know.” I reply. “What word might that be?”
“Maybe.”
“Why?”
“Because every time I ask you for something good to eat like, Oreos or Chocolate Chip Mint Ice Cream, you always say maybe…and then, I never get it!”

I explain that when a grown-up says “maybe,” sometimes it’s just a polite way of saying no; because that grown up is not really sure he or she wants to say yes at that moment.
“Why can’t you and all those grown-ups just say yes or no?”

She has a point. A point that would have even made Christ proud of her. Didn’t he once caution, “Let your yes be yes, and your no, no?”

If you liked this post, you'll probably enjoy this blog entry.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Survey Says:Why Married Men Wank...

Warning: ADULT CONTENT!

First, here’s a very special thanks to all those who took time away from their very hectic cyber surfing life to vote. Without you, many inquiry minds like yours truly, would remain clueless about why married men need that “special time.” In the interest of anyone who has no idea what this is all about,here’s a recap of what spawned this census. Out of 58 votes, below is a high to low sequential breakdown:

CATEGORY................................NUMBER OF VOTES

1. Sexually Frustrated ..............................21

2. Quick and Easy .................................14

3. Bored/Stressed ......................................11

4. Not Attracted to Spouse Anymore.............06

5. Porn Addiction .......................................06

Commentary to #1: Should you happen to fall under this category, chances are, you are getting zero “nookie” or not enough from your significant other for reasons that are best known or unknown to you. We understand. You are simply doing what you need to do, to take care of numero uno-YOU! After all, didn’t a wise man or woman once caution that drastic situations call for drastic measures? Besides, I don’t believe for a moment that the courts would toss the books at you as long as you keep it strictly one-on-one between you and your one-eyed reptile…know what I mean Vern?

Commentary to #2: On occasion, you’d rather not be troubled with the “emotional or physical demand to give pleasure to someone else at the time,” as one poster noted. It makes perfect sense that at times, “a married person just wants to blast off; fast and furious without any niceties…in peace.” I suppose this is okay in instances when you’re either away from your partner, or she is not available. However, should this become a preferred method of sexual healing, reminiscent of the ever so popular “on demand” cable concept, then, we’re are probably talking…issues. Mucho issues. Seek counsel!

Commentary to #3: Everyone gets bored at some point or another! There are several, more beneficial ways to relieve stress or boredom. Go for a walk. Go hike a nature trail or two. Climb a Mountain. Learn to play a musical instrument. Go volunteer at some assisted living establishment in your local community. Get a pet for crying out loud!

Commentary to #4: Well, what can I say, except that s.h.i.t happens and can happen unexpectedly for varying reasons. Reasons that are perhaps specific to each situation. But unfortunately, this is probably one of the precursors for extra marital affairs. So, beware! Talk to your spouse to see if there are particular steps you both need to take to address this issue. If not, seek therapy and figure things out from there…

Commentary to #5: There very well may be a correlation between viewing sexually explicit materials and wanking. However, its overall percentage in the grand scheme of this survey, leads me to believe that this is nothing more than a natural progression of action and reaction. One could even draw a line comparing the notorious chicken and egg scenario…you know, as in… which came first?

Of all the comments that were posted on discussion forums like NVS and PNP, regarding this ballot, one of my favorites is this…“because he can," just like a male dog likes to lick his pelotas, I suppose.

P.S. If we missed anything crucial, please feel free to note in your comment. I've also added a new category labeled, "Survey Says." Be on the look out for future polls on issues that are guaranteed to tickle your fancy or make you want to put your hands around my neck and squeeze...firmly-;)

Wishing you all a prosperous year 2008!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I'm Too Sexy For My...

I've been honing my paparazzi skills and not too long ago, Daddoo was willing to be my first victim. So what do you think? Is this a good time for me to quit my day job or not? Go ahead, worship my photography skills already. All "zero kiss @ss" comments will have to face the wrath of my favorite button-senorita delete-;)


Note: Too bad I couldn't get-Right Said Fred-to perform,"I'm too sexy for my..." in the background-;)

If you liked this post, may I recommend this blog.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

How to Detach "Picky" From "Eater"

This is a sequel to "Is Your Picky Eater Driving You to Drink?"

As I warmed up some lentil soup for lunch, I heared,"Yummy! That smells delicious.”
Scrawny asked if she could have some, and I was more than happy to share. I invited her to sit with me at the dinning table.

“What the heck is this?” she asked, with a puckered brow. I tried to reassure her that it was the same yummy smelling dish.

“Try some, it is so goooood,” I teased.
“But…Mom, it looks like diarrhea poop.”
I glared at her and could feel the veins in my head throbbing.
“Is there something else for me to eat”? "Nope," I replied (with all the grace and restraint that I could muster). "Go play outside!"

By dinner time, when she asked for pizza, I popped open that bottle of Moet I'd been saving for a very special occasion; worked on my victory dance...not really. But I did phone Daddoo and asked him to pick up a large cheese pizza from Papa John’s, on his way home from work. Later, everyone gathered around in the family room to enjoy our dinner. Everyone, except… yep, you got it!

She was methodically yanking all visible cheese from her piece. I didn’t ask her what she was doing. I didn’t care. I guess as parents of picky eaters, all we can do, is continue to offer nutritious meals (not necessarily Papa John's), to our children. To eat or not to eat, the choice is entirely up to them. So, if your picky eater is driving you round the bend, don’t blow a gasket. Here are a few home grown tips, that should help reduce pickiness or completely detach “picky” from “eater.”

DON’T GIVE OPTIONS – And I’m guilty, I must admit. It’s only recently that I began to realize that I may have very well encouraged Scrawny's picky eating habit. “Would you like eggs and bagel; cheerios or waffles?” used to follow, “Did you sleep well last night?” If you constantly present your children with multiple food choices, you’re sending the message that it’s okay to be picky. Don’t let them think they have a choice. You simply prepare a meal, serve and announce “It’s time to eat!”


SAY NO TO GRAZING LIKE COWS - Try scheduling meal and snack times to control all day long nibbling. This should also give you more control over what they eat and when they eat. Besides, if you allow them to snack freely, they’ll try to regurgitate excuses like, “I’m not hungry" or "I just ate” when it’s time to sit down and enjoy that home cooked meal you spent hours preparing.

TOSS THE 'SHORT ORDER COOK' HAT - I’m still working on this one. Every now and then however, I catch myself sneaking back into the kitchen to whip up bacon and eggs for Mikala at dinner time just because she shunned my Rice, Tuna with Broccoli or whatever everyone else in the family is having.

ASK NOT FOR OPINIONS - Each time you say to a picky eater “What would you like to eat?” chances are, it’ll never be that healthy, nutritious meal that you had in mind in the first place. You are the parent. You get to decide what to feed your children without seeking their input.

CUT BACK ON JUNK – Bear in mind, you are the one who is in charge of the foods that enter your house. Not your kids. By having zero or fewer junk foods around, they'll have no other recourse but to eat what’s available. Hopefully, the choices would be nuts, more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and dairy products instead of Pringles, Cheeto Puffs or little Debbie snacks.

P.S. Should none of the above steps work for you, Trade in that KID for a PUPPY-;)

If you liked this post, you will love the "Half and Half Rule"

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I Need Money for a Sex Change!

Every now and then, in most uncensored message boards, an unfamiliar poster stumbles in to start a totally outrageous thread. At times these posts are crude, derogatory, outside the norm, or downright hilarious. And what could be more side-splitting than the initial post? How about those graceful, full of wisdom commentary that eventually follow from veteran members of that forum? Here are some rejoinders that had me rolling on my carpet(literally), not too long ago.…

Darlin69: I need money for a sex change. I have $8,500, any donations will be great. Please help my dream come true. Email me or you can send your donation to 2722 University Blvd West, Apt 34.

Ladymars: LMAO I just "emailed" you some cash. Are you gonna be a guy or a girl?

Bigmoney: Here you go. Get a brain change too!


Rebca: Hey!!! If this is a guy, wanting to be a girl, I can help him out for a fraction of the cost of a surgeon! (Just let me sharpen my knife....)

Ladymars: LMBO. Someone get the chainsaw-quick!

HMK: Rebca, you could just go to the food court at your local mall and get a "Spork" to do the job. That way you wouldn't even need to risk your cutlery.

Sunshine: If you’re a man wanting to be changed to a woman I can help. I have a 9 volt Black & Decker and a bull castration kit. You make a tiny slit in the skin and wrap that animal around the testicle and rev that drill up and boom your it !!! LMBO

Whatever became of darlin69? To this day, no one knows-;)
If you enjoyed this post, you'll probably like this blog entry

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The "Half and Half" Rule

At any given time, most children would opt for that high fat, high sugar, or heavily refined carbohydrate food rather than its healthier alternative. Therefore, one of the toughest challenges that we face daily, just like most parents with young children, is how to get our youngsters to eat more of the nourishing food items.

If you’d like to gradually wean them off the less nutritious stuff, this home grown “Half and Half” concept might very well do the trick! It is simple. It is effective. If it can work for us, I believe that it can work for your family as well. The following is intended to be a general guideline. You can be as creative as you wish. Here's the drill...

FOR BREAKFAST:

  • A single serving of Eggo waffles or Pancakes-for example- equals two pieces. Replace one of them with whole wheat, multi-grain or whole grain brand.
  • *If they want Honey Nut Cheerios, Lucky Charms, or Captain Crunch, no problem! Be sure to combine in equal proportion, with other whole grain options like Bran Flakes, Quaker Squares, Raisin Bran... etc.

FOR LUNCH:

  • The top or bottom half of their peanut butter and jelly (PBJ), grilled cheese, ham and cheese or other preferred sandwich, should be made with whole wheat bread.
  • They want French fries? Fine. So long as they are willing to have an equivalent serving of some fruit or veggie i.e. sliced apples, grapes, banana, baby carrots or other healthy finger food.
  • As for chips or crackers, most children would not touch the unsalted type with a 10-foot-pole. In the absence of a reduced sodium assortment, simply combine regular(less than 120 mg of sodium per serving), with unsalted variety before dishing out.

FOR DINNER:

  • If Rice or Pasta such as (Spaghetti )is on the dinner menu, overall quantity prepared should consist of half (brown rice) or( whole wheat pasta )and half of the usual ‘enriched’ variety.
  • Be sure to sneak in a few leaves or a decent portion of baby spinach into their garden salad for added nutrition.

In the event of an occasional fuss or resistance, gently remind them of the only other possible option. The new “100% WHOLE GRAIN, ALL THE TIME” Rule, and watch the magic of compliance unfold-;)

Note: Do not forget to add those whole wheat or whole grain products to your grocery shopping list unless of course your child has an allergy to wheat!

If you like this post, you'll probably find this blog entry useful.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

A Special Treat for Juice Junkies

To most parents, grandparents, guardians, or care providers of young children, the following conversation between me and one of my youngsters may sound familiar to you. If not, trust me…at some point, it will!

Kid: Mom, can I have some juice?
Mom: You’ve just had some juice
Kid: Can I have some more?
Mom: Not right now
Kid: Why not?
Mom: Because you’ve had enough
Kid: Can I have a little bit more?
Mom: Nope. Now run along!

This dialogue could go on until you give in just to preserve your sanity from the sniveling that’s bound to ensue or choose to stand your ground like that oak tree in your backyard and still deal with the sniveling that's bound to ensue.

Apple Juice. Grape Juice. Cranapple Juice. Any juice. You name it, they love it. Juice may contain a good amount of vitamin c; nonetheless, it’s also loaded with a greater amount of excessive sugar and has diminutive nutritional value. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, Kids who drink large amounts of fruit juice often suffer from diarrhea, abdominal pain, bloating, and even flatulence. So what’s a parent to do? Become the juice Nazi and yell, “There would be no more juice for you,” whenever a child asks for some? Parents are urged to limit juice intake to 4 - 6 ounces a day for children up to 6 years old, and to no more than 8 to 12 ounces for older children. But, I’ve got a better idea...

If you’d like to cut back even more without having them scream blue murder, below is a cool fix that’ll most certainly pacify every “juice junkie” in your household!

The Scoop...
1.Fill up a plastic ice cube tray with juice of choice

2.Freeze slightly to slushy consistency (20-30 minutes)
3.Remove tray; stick a toothpick into each cube
4.Freeze until solid-about an hour; serve and enjoy 5. Quickly store leftovers in a plastic container or zippy bag and re-freeze

OR

  • Pick up a plastic popsicle tray like the one below from walmart or other grocery stores, if you do not have an ice cube tray. Then follow steps 1, 4 and 5.

Wishing You All a Very Merry Christmas-:)

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Is Your Picky Eater Driving You to Drink?

Odds are, you’re not alone. Although no one can say for sure if picky eating in children is an inherent trait or an acquired habit. Nonetheless, many experts agree that “when it comes to food, young children are notoriously finicky.” As parents, it’s bad enough that we constantly worry that our children don’t eat enough of the right foods. Toss a picky eater into the equation and the challenge shifts from trying to get them to eat something healthy, to eating anything – end of story!

I love to cook. I love kids who love to eat. And I know they are out there! As a mother of three young children, I’ve had my share of sleepovers, birthday parties, family get-togethers and other social activities that involve food. I’ve seen kids who graciously devour whatever you put in front of them without the tiniest whimper. Unfortunately, not one of those kids happens to be mine.

YEAR 2004...
Scrawny, loves macaroni and cheese! But when it comes to pizza, the only thing she wants on her slice is plenty of sauce - NO CHEESE PLEASE! She likes spaghetti too- just keep the sauce and whatever else happens to be in it-to yourself. Her idea of eating a hot dog, is a plain white bun; extra ketchup, zero weiner. She would eat waffles with a whole stick of butter, if you let her. However, should you dare to spread the thinnest film of butter on her toast, you might as well pass it down to the dog and spare yourself the migraine!

Just the other day, she asked me if we could have pizza for dinner.
“We’ll see.” I replied. My rationale was something like this….
She really didn’t eat much of those Eggo waffles for breakfast.
It’s too crunchy, and the syrup doesn’t taste the same” she complains.
“The same as what” I ask.
You know, like the other one.”
“What other one?” I show her the bottle. The bottle of syrup she’d personally handpicked from Wal-mart.
Well, it just doesn’t taste good- yuck!” She grimaces and sticks out her tongue. I eat the waffles and offer her a bowl of raisin bran cereal. She picks out all the raisins. I ask why.
I don’t like raisins in my cereal anymore; they look like bugs” she says.
“Fine, just eat the cereal- for Mommy please?”
Well, all right.” She takes a couple bites; pushes the bowl toward me.
The milk doesn’t taste right. Is it soy milk or regular milk?”
“Are you hungry or not?” I growl. And that was the end of breakfast!

To be continued in...Click Here

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Superbad, is Totally Super Bad!

So, here I sit. No, I am not broken hearted, and I am definitely not sitting on my toilet seat waiting to let out a few logs. Trust me. Hayden had somehow managed to talk me into coming over to watch another potentially stupid @ss movie with him and some of his 9-5 buddies. Why? Well, for starters, his opinionated, “waiting to come out of the closet” buddy, (Rudy) said, “Dude, “superbad, is muy excellente. This is the same old pinhead who previously finagled hayden into taking me to see Napoleon Dynamite on our first date! However, I am curious. Curious enough to find out, "If the entire flick is about two 18-year-olds, running around yelling as many vulgar slangs for genitalia as possible,"according to a totally reliable movie buff.

The Verdict? ...

Superbad, is waaaaaaay super bad! No joke. Within the first half hour, you will be bombarded with excessive sexually crude rants...enough to make Howard Stern Cringe. Sure this movie was able to squeeze a chuckle or three out of me. However, in spite of its sporadic sprinkles of clever humor(including flashbacks of young Seth as a penile graphic artist), I'd have to equate my superbad experience to pissing and flushing over 60 minutes of my life down the toilet. I'm talking 60 minutes that I could never get back! So, mi amigo, consider ye warned. Save yourself a trip to blockbuster; keep that dinero in your wallet!

Need detailed reviews? Check out,
http://past-the-popcorn.gospelcom.net/index.php/2007/superbad

http://screenrant.com/archives/review-superbad-971.html

NOTE: Metal Chica is a fictional character with a natural gift of the gab. Through her often exaggerated tales of inconsequential gibberish which are (unfortunately) based on real experiences, we'd get to understand what makes this 23-year-old single female tick or ticked off!




Thursday, December 6, 2007

The Fine Art of Crying on Demand

Does anyone remember Amber? You know, that chica from ‘Big Brother 8’ who seemed to boo hoo all the time about everything? Well, when it comes to the fine art of crying on demand, I know of a very special someone who could give Amber, together with her “tears manufacturing factory” a run for her money, anytime!

Seriously. Whenever this kid is hungry, or asks for a bite to eat and you don’t respond pronto, to her request, she cries. If it’s way past her bedtime and you (heavens forbid)happen to be anywhere in the vicinity of her bedroom, jibber jabbering… she cries. Under no circumstance are you to accidentally bump into her; whack her on the head, or step on her feet even during play time. Under no circumstance are you to make fun of her, snap at her, or tell her to “shut up,” rather than “hush“ or “be quiet.” She will bawl. Guaranteed! Don’t you dare raise your voice by any decibel higher than what she’s accustomed to(even if she’s being disruptive or excessively boisterous.) You might as well save your apologies or all subsequent consoling pep talks until her crying spell has come to a complete stop. Okay, I think you get the point by now…

This morning, at about 4:30 am, I heard Furr-ball whimpering all the way from my bedroom. As soon as it dawned on me that she was probably having a bad dream, I climbed into her bed and tried to soothe her with a firm hug(which of course woke her up).
“Are you all right mama?” I whispered.
“Noooooo.” She replied as she continued to sob.
“Does your tummy hurt?”
“No mommy, I had a horrible nightmare.”
“I’m so sorry baby. What was it about?”
“Mikala won’t let me go on www dot webkinz dot com.”

What? Yeah, my sentiments exactly. I told you she cries about everything. ..even in her dreams-:)

P.S. As I’m recounting this story to other members of the family(over breakfast), I can see the tears quickly flooding her eyes, ready to stream steadily down her face. And I believe we all know why-;)

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

A Kleenex Moment

I have an announcement to make. I want you, my dedicated guest to know that Today is a very sad day in my household. I have just been given the boot from one chore that never fails to brighten my day in spite of all those daunting challenges that most stay at home moms(like yours truly), get to grapple with. People, my kindergartner literally said to me, mom, you are fired! I am talking…tossed like a smelly, worn out, pair of gym shoes.

After indulging in our mid afternoon, after school snack with Furr-ball, and her older sister, Scrawny, she announces (like clockwork of course),
“Mom, I am going to make some Frankfurt Burger.”

TRANSLATION: I am going to the bathroom to poop, please stick around in the immediate vicinity until I’m done so that you can wipe my butt.

Minutes later, out of the corner of my eye, I see her sprinting toward me.
“Hey, get back in there!” I order. “I haven‘t wiped you yet.”
“But mom, I know how to wipe myself now.”
“Really?”
“Yep.” She proudly replies. “I am a big girl now.”

So here I sit, broken hearted and teary-eyed. Boo hoo, hoo- that very special apron string has been severed- boo hoo, hoo. Hey Tito, pass me a tissue! Wait! Make that a box of Kleenex. Grazie -;)

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Land of The Free Ride

Once, Daddoo and I were in the market for some investment properties. We found a government subsidized condo that seemed like it would yield a decent cash flow. The current landlord scheduled a showing for us. The minute we stepped into that unit, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw...

An elegantly furnished living room with top of the line stereo system! A big @ss TV that was about the size of the vanity mirror in my bathroom! I couldn’t believe it. How could anyone whose rent bill was being footed by the government afford such techno luxury? To me, this was clearly an abuse of social services. To this day, it still irks me to know that there are able bodied people out there who continue to take advantage of a system that’s supposed to provide temporary assistance to those who are in actual dire need of help. The choice to sit on one's rear end and live on government hand-outs rather than becoming a contributing member of society is no way to live a life of dignity. So, get off that train! Let's stop turning this great Land of the Free, into Land of the Free Ride!

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