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Friday, December 28, 2007

Survey Says:Why Married Men Wank...

Warning: ADULT CONTENT!

First, here’s a very special thanks to all those who took time away from their very hectic cyber surfing life to vote. Without you, many inquiry minds like yours truly, would remain clueless about why married men need that “special time.” In the interest of anyone who has no idea what this is all about,here’s a recap of what spawned this census. Out of 58 votes, below is a high to low sequential breakdown:

CATEGORY................................NUMBER OF VOTES

1. Sexually Frustrated ..............................21

2. Quick and Easy .................................14

3. Bored/Stressed ......................................11

4. Not Attracted to Spouse Anymore.............06

5. Porn Addiction .......................................06

Commentary to #1: Should you happen to fall under this category, chances are, you are getting zero “nookie” or not enough from your significant other for reasons that are best known or unknown to you. We understand. You are simply doing what you need to do, to take care of numero uno-YOU! After all, didn’t a wise man or woman once caution that drastic situations call for drastic measures? Besides, I don’t believe for a moment that the courts would toss the books at you as long as you keep it strictly one-on-one between you and your one-eyed reptile…know what I mean Vern?

Commentary to #2: On occasion, you’d rather not be troubled with the “emotional or physical demand to give pleasure to someone else at the time,” as one poster noted. It makes perfect sense that at times, “a married person just wants to blast off; fast and furious without any niceties…in peace.” I suppose this is okay in instances when you’re either away from your partner, or she is not available. However, should this become a preferred method of sexual healing, reminiscent of the ever so popular “on demand” cable concept, then, we’re are probably talking…issues. Mucho issues. Seek counsel!

Commentary to #3: Everyone gets bored at some point or another! There are several, more beneficial ways to relieve stress or boredom. Go for a walk. Go hike a nature trail or two. Climb a Mountain. Learn to play a musical instrument. Go volunteer at some assisted living establishment in your local community. Get a pet for crying out loud!

Commentary to #4: Well, what can I say, except that s.h.i.t happens and can happen unexpectedly for varying reasons. Reasons that are perhaps specific to each situation. But unfortunately, this is probably one of the precursors for extra marital affairs. So, beware! Talk to your spouse to see if there are particular steps you both need to take to address this issue. If not, seek therapy and figure things out from there…

Commentary to #5: There very well may be a correlation between viewing sexually explicit materials and wanking. However, its overall percentage in the grand scheme of this survey, leads me to believe that this is nothing more than a natural progression of action and reaction. One could even draw a line comparing the notorious chicken and egg scenario…you know, as in… which came first?

Of all the comments that were posted on discussion forums like NVS and PNP, regarding this ballot, one of my favorites is this…“because he can," just like a male dog likes to lick his pelotas, I suppose.

P.S. If we missed anything crucial, please feel free to note in your comment. I've also added a new category labeled, "Survey Says." Be on the look out for future polls on issues that are guaranteed to tickle your fancy or make you want to put your hands around my neck and squeeze...firmly-;)

Wishing you all a prosperous year 2008!

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